I was talking with one of my closest friend's in the whole wide world! She was as usual cribbing about her boyfriend. It was the same story. He doesn't pay attention, he worships his mum ( a very Indian thing!), he never listens blah blah. After having witnessed a million such rants before, followed by week long break ups and the constant cribbing I finally screamed at her, 'If its such crap jo, then let go!!".....
Silence.... and then just one sentence, "I can't seem to let go, you can't let go of love"..... something hit me about this line. Letting go.. why is it so difficult, especially when it comes to 'love'. As Boy George once sang," first comes the kisses.... and then comes the pain". It is strange isn't it? People who give us such blinding happiness can cause equally blinding pain....
I guess this is the biggest paradox of emotions, correction the biggest paradox of love. I have always been confusingly fascinated by love (I know sounds confusing eh). It can make us do some crazy things, it can make us create this whole world with a sun kissed future in our heads. It can (to sound cliched) take us 'somewhere over the rainbow'. But then at the same time it can also leave this never ceasing emptiness.
Or is it just a an age thing, when we are young we are so optimistic about love, aren't we? We dream of this all consuming passion, this feeling that envelopes you in a comforting blanket, our own little safe zone! But then with age, this definition changes, the madness of passion is replaced by this wanting for a more mellow feeling of comfort, of safety of escape...
Yet, when it comes to letting go...we are all the same. Despite age, despite everything else...letting go of a love is never easy is it. No mater what we say, do we ever move on...do we ever let go...
I was talking with another friend about this and he told me of this boy he had once dated for a while, he called him one of his greatest Love's. And while he was talking about him, i could see this shine in his eyes, this sparkle that was so pure so vulnerable. A side of him I had never seen. I asked him, when it ended, how did you get over it?.....all I heard was silence.....exactly like Jo-Jo. How ironical.. a 23 year old girl and a 30 something man, so different yet so similar....
So my beloved reader(s), I still am at a loss. I tried to make a sense of this thing called 'love' and break it down. But is that really possible? Can we ever really figure this out. Rather would we want to figure it out. I mean isn't it this gamble part of Love, what attracts us the most. This sense of not knowing...this sense of risking it all! (Gives me goosebumps!!)
I guess Ms. Winehouse was right, when she coiffed up her 'beehive' and sang, " Tho' I battled blind,Love is a fate resigned Memories mar my mind,Love it is a fate resigned. One I wish I never played,Oh, what a mess we made And now the final frame,Love is a losing game"
Bon soir
(A more cheerier post the next time, promise!!)
Friday, October 26, 2007
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Off pets, emotions and fears...
Ok so its been what 2-3 weeks since i last posted here. Now before I get lectures on "how this is just another example of how short of an attention span i have" let me assure the time spent away from you my darling blog has been quite interesting....
To start off on a sombre note....my darling diva-esque love Debra died of a lung infection and its seems with her death my tryst with pet dogs has come to an end. It was quite a blow for me to see her go... she was as akin to me as can be! Spunky, effortlessly stylish, a bit tantrumy in a cute way and slightly off her knockers :-).....And she was one good looking dog! So there I was glumly going about my business, managing a luxury brand preview in Delhi, listening to the mindless rumblings of 'social aunties' and then out of the blue a "guest friend" calls up (these people have a habit of coming and disappearing at apt intervals) and I let the flood gates open! But he said something...to quote: "I never was fond of pets, as many people see them as an excuse for avoiding our emotions"
BAm BAM Bam! It was just one of those moments! I still mourn the death of my beauty, but it got me thinking...Are people who are madly in love with their pets really just scared of sharing the same emotions with another human being? Is our fear of rejection, our fear that what if the other person doesn't feel the same that really that strong , that after a point we just stop trying even in relationships we are currently in ?
Though I am scared to admit it, I think at some level I have done the same, one look back at the years and there have been times in school when instead of saying I like you to my crushes, I repeated the same words to my dogs! But I also must point out that every time i said it to my dogs, I always ended up with a sloppy dog jumping all over me. Still, it never did make up for what might have been. and its not just me, some of my closest friends have done the same and still do the same with boyfriends/girlfriends/lovers etc.
Which brings me to my other question: Is it really about our fear of emotions , of putting our feelings on line or is it just that we, as people have developed a sort of callousness towards emotions. Are emotions the new taboo for our generation?
Not only in mine, but also in so many of my friends lives and loves have I seen this. They all have had so much to say, so much express, but never did. What stopped them...a fear or rather is it the notion that emotions are what makes us weak, that our generation has grown up with the real culprit here....
It is everywhere isn't it? For ages men/women have been taught never to cry in front of other people, as it shows that your weak, never say how happy you are as it might make you appear selfish and self centered ... But I want to ask what's wrong with it? Why can't we cry in public, why can't I scream with joy when I am happy, why does showing that you have emotions make you weak... and who decided this!
And really what have we achieved through this.... honestly how many of us go through our lives holding back so much of what we feel.... just because "it isn't right" or the reasoning that "why should I be the first to take the plunge"
But now if we don't take that plunge then how will we ever know... how will we ever find that all consuming love or that glowing happiness or that introspective sadness... All these are what make us human, that set us apart, that makes us individuals and now we are just quietly letting go....
This isn't about loving your pet too much, about being scared of emotions, it isn't about being afraid to cry, or being afraid to say I am happy, I love you etc...
The fact of the matter we are finally reaching a stage where we are actually afraid of being human and this is what actually scares me.....
To start off on a sombre note....my darling diva-esque love Debra died of a lung infection and its seems with her death my tryst with pet dogs has come to an end. It was quite a blow for me to see her go... she was as akin to me as can be! Spunky, effortlessly stylish, a bit tantrumy in a cute way and slightly off her knockers :-).....And she was one good looking dog! So there I was glumly going about my business, managing a luxury brand preview in Delhi, listening to the mindless rumblings of 'social aunties' and then out of the blue a "guest friend" calls up (these people have a habit of coming and disappearing at apt intervals) and I let the flood gates open! But he said something...to quote: "I never was fond of pets, as many people see them as an excuse for avoiding our emotions"
BAm BAM Bam! It was just one of those moments! I still mourn the death of my beauty, but it got me thinking...Are people who are madly in love with their pets really just scared of sharing the same emotions with another human being? Is our fear of rejection, our fear that what if the other person doesn't feel the same that really that strong , that after a point we just stop trying even in relationships we are currently in ?
Though I am scared to admit it, I think at some level I have done the same, one look back at the years and there have been times in school when instead of saying I like you to my crushes, I repeated the same words to my dogs! But I also must point out that every time i said it to my dogs, I always ended up with a sloppy dog jumping all over me. Still, it never did make up for what might have been. and its not just me, some of my closest friends have done the same and still do the same with boyfriends/girlfriends/lovers etc.
Which brings me to my other question: Is it really about our fear of emotions , of putting our feelings on line or is it just that we, as people have developed a sort of callousness towards emotions. Are emotions the new taboo for our generation?
Not only in mine, but also in so many of my friends lives and loves have I seen this. They all have had so much to say, so much express, but never did. What stopped them...a fear or rather is it the notion that emotions are what makes us weak, that our generation has grown up with the real culprit here....
It is everywhere isn't it? For ages men/women have been taught never to cry in front of other people, as it shows that your weak, never say how happy you are as it might make you appear selfish and self centered ... But I want to ask what's wrong with it? Why can't we cry in public, why can't I scream with joy when I am happy, why does showing that you have emotions make you weak... and who decided this!
And really what have we achieved through this.... honestly how many of us go through our lives holding back so much of what we feel.... just because "it isn't right" or the reasoning that "why should I be the first to take the plunge"
But now if we don't take that plunge then how will we ever know... how will we ever find that all consuming love or that glowing happiness or that introspective sadness... All these are what make us human, that set us apart, that makes us individuals and now we are just quietly letting go....
This isn't about loving your pet too much, about being scared of emotions, it isn't about being afraid to cry, or being afraid to say I am happy, I love you etc...
The fact of the matter we are finally reaching a stage where we are actually afraid of being human and this is what actually scares me.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)